Recovery Log - Going to Beat This

[SS7]

Hello all,

Glad to be a part of this forum full of such determined people. Hoping we'll all recover soon enough.

Took Finasteride for almost a month (1mg EOD) back in September when ED hit just once, dropped it, two weeks perfectly fine then crashed with pretty major ED, all the usual crazy mental sides. WILD despair and anguish followed before I found Cdnuts and this amazing resource. Realised, as most do, there's no 'cure' and despite the literature with this 'medicine' you may well not recover after two weeks.

From the despair I was in during October I've progressed to a point where I can face a day at work now. Libido is 10% from, like -10%, if we say it was 100% before PFS, erections getting a little better.

Started the protocol back in early November with a 5-day fast - only area I'm slacking in is the cold showers; I'm up to getting warm, lathering up, rinsing off cold. If it wasn't winter I'd be braver. The fast was a surprise, for a whole day afterwards I felt back to normal!

Current herbs are Tribulus, Tongkat, Ashwa, Butea, Mucuna Pruriens, Pine pollen, Catauba bark, Muira Puama, Horny Goat weed. Herb rotation showed very little, and I started with only 5 iirc, but 5a-DHP and Pansterone from idealabs definitely gives me enough to get through the day and sleep just enough. Used to hit the gym regularly, so keeping that up, HIIT replaced regular running/cardio which I must admit I have found extremely difficult to get into! I'm switching it to mornings pre-work, and I'll see if that helps.

Paleo diet I adjusted to fine, still use NO-Xplode preworkout 4xweek.

Erections are a tiny bit better. They're a bit like 6-7/10 compared to my pre-fin state, but they used to 'drop' at first and they don't do so as dramatically now. I had strange aches and pains in November, which seem to have stopped now.

It's VERY soon in, but I'm starting an R-Andro cycle. 100mg this week, 200 next, 300 week after, then 400 for a bit. I'm aware this is VERY VERY early to consider this, but I'll drop it if I feel negatively. So far, little bit of improvement.

If you come here from Google and read this, streaming in tears at the life Finasteride just took from you, breathe and be calm. Believe in this and apply yourself, and you will improve, slowly maybe, until you're better. There'll be ups and downs whatever you take and try, there just will, but apply yourself to this and the only variable is time - you'll heal with this protocol and enough of it, I'm certain.

Have some good things I've learned which HAVE made a difference. I don't want to sound like a veteran PFS sufferer, but I've learned a little:

- I *MUST* admit the first couple of days applying the regimen I was the most sceptical of any sceptic - breathing exercises to cure THIS? What sort of retarded hippy-nonsense is THAT?? HERBS?? Complete garbage... And yet it's really REALLY not. The breathing exercises I've found almost *alarmingly* good for what I'm assuming to be cortisol. Work month to month, don't take anything crazy, develop some patience. This might take a few years to undo, just be prepared for that.

- Belief in getting better and determination do seem to make a difference. The only 'trend' I've really read on people getting better is becoming physically fit - the rest (to my inexperienced mind) is down to luck and time, but consistently the recovery stories come from people who apply themselves.

- Be selfish with your time. You need to be, you just do. Family and relationships need to support you now. Avoid stresses if you can. Take time off sick, take holidays.

- Order that bathmate BECAUSE WHEN YOU GET BETTER you'll be happy it's the same/bigger. Suck up the pride and do it, it's a piece of "medical equipment" for you now, so to speak, not a fetish object.

I've taken comfort in Cdnuts' recovery story, a few others, RickTheRuler has a great current thread and possibly the best attitude on the planet - will be watching this guy especially beat it.

So, that's me. Any comments or criticisms or indeed anything of the sort happily received. I'm glad to be among you all whilst we mend ourselves.

[SS7]

Well, I'll start as I mean to go on!

Gym today, not TOO bad but after my initial crash (where I spent ages in a panic) gym was put off. Now I'm all finasterid-ed up I'm a little less than I was and lifts are down some, but PWO went down and I'm getting back into my old routine. Fierce 5 workout, if anyone wants to try it. Cardio I'm putting off until the morning, just getting my daily routine around HIIT - honestly I'd rather be jogging 30 minutes 3x/week, or better yet sat on the crosstrainer in the nice warm gym for 30 minutes but whatever the testosterone wants it gets! Put on just over 1kg (mostly fat I'm certain) since the fast, which is good.

R-Andro (yes I know, this is extremely early to be trying this, hopefully just about ok) seem to be sitting well. I'll bump up to 200mg/day from Saturday.

Erections seem slightly less good, but libido is definitely a little better today. Had an argument with my boss here and felt like 'standing up' for myself rather than succumbing to the prickly full-body cortisol-dread of a couple months ago. Bit chattier, bit happier.

[SS7]

Saturday night, just checking in. I'm logging the early stages hugely right now, but this'll probably tail off once the 'routine' of things settles.

Sprints I'm moving to the PM. I just can't seem to live with them before work. Also, just before I was 'edging' and went a little too far, if you get me. Totally accidental, what an idiot, but that's my own fault. Had something of a little mini crash incident afterwards, then picked myself up and got sprinting. R-Andro now at 200mgs and seems to be fine. There are indeed little ups and downs but I'm certainly tolerating it fine so far. 300mgs I'll start middle of next week, then 400mgs for the rest of the cycle. Then back on the herb rotation for 6 weeks. Rinse and repeat.

Erections seem a little better, just a tiny little bit. Nothing spontaneous as such, but talking to a young lady today made me hard-ish. I am starting to think a little sensitivity returned veeryyy subtly. Little hint of libido too.

Sleep was great last night, hoping for my nice 8 hours tonight too.

Had a brief reluctance against the cold showers, but still did them. I am still at a stage where I lather up quick with warm water, then switch it to cold and rinse off. For some off reason Cdnuts' avatar pops into my head when I struggle with the cold, and Yoda-like tells me "you can do this!" That Finasteride brain damage at work I think...

Is it weird that I'm looking forward to my next 5-day fast?

Also worth mentioning that I'm taking 5aDHP and Pansterone from idealabs - would any of the veterans here venture an opinion on that? It does seem to TOTALLY make life bearable.

Thanks all - wishing you the very best in all your recoveries and endeavors.

[SS7]

Monday afternoon - had an awful night's sleep last night. About three hours max of tossing and turning. Woke up, grumbled some vitamins down, that cold water sucked whilst I was under it but when I got out (despite the middle of the UK winter) it wasn't too bad.

Very tired today, but 'feeling' a little bit better now, I have a tiny little bit more zest to me today. Might bump up the dosage to 300mgs tomorrow if I'm feeling as optimistic.

Stumbled across a couple of articles concerning endurance exercise improving 5ar:
Endurance exercise training enhances local sex steroidogenesis in skeletal muscle. - PubMed - NCBI (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21502890)

Now, applying myself to the protocol properly, I'm doing HIIT Tuesday, Friday and Sunday (option of Saturday.) I wonder if the trade-offs of cortisol and slight test reduction is worth poking a little 5ar along with it. I do wonder how much benefit a 40-minute run once a week in there somewhere would do me. There's a few studies saying resistance training improves 5ar and testosterone also, but another angle of attack might not do any harm. I'm still undecided.

Back to 5-day split at the gym, emphasis on heavy compounds, now looks like:

Monday - International chest day
Tuesday - Back
Wednesday - Legs
Thursday - Shoulders
Friday - Arms

Cycle I'll do I think for another 4 weeks (total of six weeks.) My goodness, I'm feeling what people mean by "ups and downs" as I've had some swings for certain! But also some good and slightly "male" feelings again. I'm taking this as a good sign that nothing inside me is objecting horribly to the very early first cycle. We'll see.

Will very very slowly creep off the Pansterone and 5aDHP and trust the protocol to do the work. They're great but they're not 'by the book' like I'm needing to be.

Carry on with your recoveries, best of luck with the struggle my friends.

[SS7]

Just returning - stressy stressy day but handled it, slept about 7/10 last night. Was feeling a little down only to realise that brain fog is in fact lifting solidly, the tingling cortisol panic/rushes haven't happened to me in a good couple of weeks I think now, and post-gym feel good. Managed a decent 'edging' session in the shower. Not much libido really but 'some' at least - like a little of my old self is actually and genuinely coming up, just a tiny taste of it. I'm taking it as a good sign, and (as I'm due a little optimism) that the cycle SO FAR is doing me some good.

I needed sleep this morning more than HIIT so that's now tomorrow, before leg-day in the evening. To my mind a worthwhile trade-off.

Meditating I need to get better at I think; it's feeling like a 'chore' rather than a 'benefit', however breathing exercises (which I do in bed AM and PM) are still useful.

I'm wondering if I should continue with taking my pre-workout too. Anyone got any opinions on that? It's this stuff. Been drinking it (long) in cycles for years. (https://uk.bodybuilding.com/store/bsn/xplode.html)

Thanks for reading everyone.

[Master Mal]

Honestly dude, it looks like you're punching PFS in the dick. You're doing everything right.

I took 5aDHP during my initial crash. It worked amazingly well. I don't take it anymore though - don't need it.

Way it sounds you'll be fine again before you know it. I just wouldn't get obsessed with the forum. It's a wonderful resource, but sometimes it's nice to take days that aren't all about PFS.

[jacknap]

Honestly dude, it looks like you're punching PFS in the dick. You're doing everything right.

I took 5aDHP during my initial crash. It worked amazingly well. I don't take it anymore though - don't need it.

Way it sounds you'll be fine again before you know it. I just wouldn't get obsessed with the forum. It's a wonderful resource, but sometimes it's nice to take days that aren't all about PFS.

5adhp worked so well for the first time and then never worked ever again. very strange.

[SS7]

Honestly dude, it looks like you're punching PFS in the dick. You're doing everything right.

I took 5aDHP during my initial crash. It worked amazingly well. I don't take it anymore though - don't need it.

Way it sounds you'll be fine again before you know it. I just wouldn't get obsessed with the forum. It's a wonderful resource, but sometimes it's nice to take days that aren't all about PFS.

Thanks my friend - that's an encouraging message. Rough night again, seems to be a current trend but I'll ride it out. Got up early and did my HIIT in the park. Shower, lemon, did breathing but no morning meditation today. Personally feel VERY low today, but that's personal life things rather than PFS. All things considered I'm handling it alright I think. I hear you on staying off the fora here but it's motivational to me at this point rather than obsessive - I'm definitely update-heavy though, might well taper off once I get more 'established' in things. Cleaning the house at the weekend and buying a few bits and pieces to make life a little more convenient, that should take me off 'PFS-attack' for a day.


5adhp worked so well for the first time and then never worked ever again. very strange.

Hey there - yes it's a strange one. Needed a little bit at the start, then effects waned so tried a tad more, now on the Andro run it seems to be almost unnecessary, so tapering it down slow. Currently on 1 drop AM and 1 drop PM. Definitely the Pansterone was handy, now it really seems to be doing less, so I take 1 drop AM 1 drop PM.

[Cdsnuts]

Welcome.

[SS7]

Welcome.

The man himself - thanks very much Cdsnuts for the site, resources and everything you do. This sure is a battle, but I'm on it.

[Cdsnuts]

The man himself - thanks very much Cdsnuts for the site, resources and everything you do. This sure is a battle, but I'm on it.

You're in more then capable hands here. We have a great, dedicated bunch. Join them. You know what you have to do, so just do it. Character building on steroids is one way to look at it.

[SS7]

You're in more then capable hands here. We have a great, dedicated bunch. Join them. You know what you have to do, so just do it. Character building on steroids is one way to look at it.

Thanks for all that sir - don't you worry, I'm living this protocol. I'll be another one of your success stories in two months or twenty years, you just watch me. I'll get better or I'll be the only 90-year-old still on the protocol!

Happy to say I've graduated to fully cold showers! I have to say (sorry for the TMI) my testicles RUSH up into me now they know they're in for a chilling. And MY GOODNESS in the middle of the UK winter this is a real trial, probably the hardest bit of the protocol... but would I rather have PFS? HELL FUCKING NO - turn that cold tap RIGHT ON lads!!

Week 3 of my first Andro cycle continues tomorrow, bumped up to 400mg yesterday, I seem to be tolerating it ok. The horrible, tingly cortisol rush panics though now *seem* like there's *something* in the way of them, which kind of pinches them off before they flood over me. They're still there, waiting, trying to *get me* but they sorta don't quite succeed. The head pressure feelings are still there and it's like they *want* to attack again, but can't quite *get me* fully - If ANYONE understands what I'm trying to communicate in that badly-described paragraph there let me know? It feels like a good sign. Work was just a little easier last week, only a touch but definitely.

Erections might have improved slightly, maybe not but I'm not actually really worried - as in, genuinely not. Might be the Andro-apathy but might be me dealing with it. Nocturnal wood still there, I'm edging again (just right off sex now having broken up with a woman I really do love and who really did love me back. And who just might be the best girl in the whole world, but who I'm not subjecting to a life of her coming second to this process. That was also tough, but then again not really; she deserves better and I deserve to give this my all. If the universe allows and she's still available when I'm better, then we'll be happy for the rest of our lives. She's also a large part of what gets me into the ice water and out running.) That is what that is anyway. Where was I? Edging? Yes that's going ok and maybe erections are a bit better - take a bit of manual stimulation to get them going but they don't seem to 'drop off' quite as quickly like they did earlier.

Nocturnals are there, but weak. No morning wood still, not since my fast in fact (first weak one was when I woke up the day after that.) Their return about 3 weeks back was a very welcome sign, needless to say. Edging I'm stuck with for a week after an enthusiastic pumping session left me with a bruise on the bottom of my penis (oops, be gentle with the pumping people!)

If there's a technique beyond the manuals for using the Hydromax then I definitely haven't got it; I find it an unnecessarily complex and awkward piece of equipment at the best of times. It seals badly by design seemingly, and I struggle frustratingly with it more than I 'succeed' with it. Needs must of course.

If anyone's reading this years later and follopwing what I'm doing there are still DEFINITE ups and downs on-cycle, but the downs aren't as bad as the first couple of months, not by a noticeable way, The ups are actually quite ok. I enjoy music on occasion now, I can watch a movie without being consumed by PFS, I can hold a conversation, TELL A JOKE AND LAUGH, and cry/feel some positivity again rather than being entirely blunted.

These are of course good signs, and you read of them consistently in recovery stories, but until you're "there" with PFS you couldn't really understand it from someone's internet description of the deep deep horror, and likewise the Andro-recoveries (which is what I assume I'm in the process of) I don't think you can rightly understand what it is to feel the symptoms start to lose their ground on you, and to win a little bit - I mean, how many times did I "reality check" or "ground" myself before PFS and think "OK, this is how I feel about sex, this is how I feel about enjoying things, I can get back to this reference point of a moment and remember how I was"? Never - because you were just "normal" and that's how you'd always been and how you were always going to be, right? Until you took Finasteride, and the bottom fell out of your personality and life.

Anyway, enough "dear diary" but these musings might be useful. Helps me a bit to journal it all too.

Gym is going ok, 5 days/week still with the focus on heavy compounds and progressive overload - all other objectives can go hang until I'm better. HIIT I'm just keeping up 3/week; I'm shifting between mornings and evenings, and just getting it done when I can; life's a little hectic so as long as it actually gets done I don't mind. I'm still convinced a 30/40 min steady state run is good for 5AR, so I get one of those in too.

Sleep is MUCH better! Goodness me, what a turnaround! I'll attribute that to either the sorghum flour and jujuba pre-bed shakes or the potassium. It's one or more of the three for sure. Last three days that's been a good 7-9 hours. MUCH-needed recovery time. Libido has now been either not there or just the odd little flicker of it, but I don't know. If that's late to return I can handle it, from what I gather it's usually back VERY late into things.

Last of all, had a review of the herbs, bought up a few more quality ones for the return to the rotation but it's mostly all there waiting for me to finish the Andro run. Current issues to work on are routine for HIIT, getting enough calories in with the paleo and 50g/carbs/day pre-backoading.

I'm keeping on going!

[Cdsnuts]

If you're having issues with the pump sealing, you need to shave down your pubes a little more. When trimmed properly you should have no trouble getting a seal. What about it do you find difficult? Anything different is awkward at first, but with practice things turn around. I really don't think it's "complex" at all. It's a simple tube?

[SS7]

If you're having issues with the pump sealing, you need to shave down your pubes a little more. When trimmed properly you should have no trouble getting a seal. What about it do you find difficult? Anything different is awkward at first, but with practice things turn around. I really don't think it's "complex" at all. It's a simple tube?

I think as you say it's going to end up being that way and I eventually get the process down. I'd have an easier time in a bath over a shower I feel. It's mainly the valve open/close processes and the difficulty with the seal have made it a real frustration. I'm trimmed right down, it's just not having it.

Still, if that doesn't happen for me I get some edging in. Have been for the past few days too until the pumping bruise leaves. Managed somehow to fail at THAT too last night and misjudged it and came. What an idiot - I'm truly not doing myself any favours this week! Mood was up yesterday too and I was happy for the upswing, now today I'm definitely 'lower' for it. Although to take a positive from all that, semen seems to be pre-finasteride normal now. No nocturnals I don't think for a couple of days. I might also have slept slightly better for it too, so that's something.

I made out with a girl for a while on Monday night, got semi-hard but my testicles ACHED a fair bit after we parted that night, though we didn't have sex (I'm not quite up to that yet ofc) and they hung VERY low afterwards I thought. Hormones? Some sort of sign? I slept and they were pretty much normal yesterday.

That's enough genital-based misadventures from me. I'll update with sensible things again later in the week. CD thanks for chiming into my threads - for some WEIRD reason I think of your avatar when I step into the cold shower; gets me through it somehow!

Best of luck everyone.

[Cdsnuts]

I think as you say it's going to end up being that way and I eventually get the process down. I'd have an easier time in a bath over a shower I feel. It's mainly the valve open/close processes and the difficulty with the seal have made it a real frustration. I'm trimmed right down, it's just not having it.

Still, if that doesn't happen for me I get some edging in. Have been for the past few days too until the pumping bruise leaves. Managed somehow to fail at THAT too last night and misjudged it and came. What an idiot - I'm truly not doing myself any favours this week! Mood was up yesterday too and I was happy for the upswing, now today I'm definitely 'lower' for it. Although to take a positive from all that, semen seems to be pre-finasteride normal now. No nocturnals I don't think for a couple of days. I might also have slept slightly better for it too, so that's something.

I made out with a girl for a while on Monday night, got semi-hard but my testicles ACHED a fair bit after we parted that night, though we didn't have sex (I'm not quite up to that yet ofc) and they hung VERY low afterwards I thought. Hormones? Some sort of sign? I slept and they were pretty much normal yesterday.

That's enough genital-based misadventures from me. I'll update with sensible things again later in the week. CD thanks for chiming into my threads - for some WEIRD reason I think of your avatar when I step into the cold shower; gets me through it somehow!

Best of luck everyone.

If it's not sealing, then you have to trim them down more. There is no reason the base shouldn't seal right up. Are you speaking about the valve on the tip of the unit? I mean....it's a little toggle switch. What about it is difficult for you?

[SS7]

If it's not sealing, then you have to trim them down more. There is no reason the base shouldn't seal right up. Are you speaking about the valve on the tip of the unit? I mean....it's a little toggle switch. What about it is difficult for you?

I'll go all out and shave it, see if that helps any. The toggle switch is indeed set in the middle of that rotary valve to also seal/unseal it, but it's very very small and very very stiff - I wonder if even *too* stiff on mine. If I had three hands to operate both on and off whilst holding it upside down, not letting any air in, full of water and then upend and straddle it then sort the valves I'd be alright with it, but as it stands I'd say the majority of the time air gets in, seal isn't right somehow.

Whilst we're on the subject, once I have this down, have you ever had to replace any seals on yours? Have to replaced the base ever even? How long have you had it/do you still use it? If it's alright to ask all that!

Thanks CD.

[Cdsnuts]

I'll go all out and shave it, see if that helps any. The toggle switch is indeed set in the middle of that rotary valve to also seal/unseal it, but it's very very small and very very stiff - I wonder if even *too* stiff on mine. If I had three hands to operate both on and off whilst holding it upside down, not letting any air in, full of water and then upend and straddle it then sort the valves I'd be alright with it, but as it stands I'd say the majority of the time air gets in, seal isn't right somehow.

Whilst we're on the subject, once I have this down, have you ever had to replace any seals on yours? Have to replaced the base ever even? How long have you had it/do you still use it? If it's alright to ask all that!

Thanks CD.

Still use mine and no, I've never had to replace the seals.

[SS7]

This probably makes more sense to update weekly-ish, seeing as I've noticed the changeable nature of our struggle means day-to-day things can vary from (dare I say it) great to awful.

So, week 3 of Andro cycle #1 concludes today. Yesterday was a good day. So much so that if I'd had my erections and libido back I could have said I'm cured. Seriously and honestly. I awoke from a restful ten hours asleep (yes really) and got a very acceptable workout in. A VERY successful pumping session followed, Hydromax and I are working through our difficulties and all seemed to be good - trimming right down helps it seal, and the toggle switch element to the seal at the top seems to be more compliant at this point.

Today however was the polar opposite. I awoke from a fitful sleep to a very insistent malaise and a borderline despair-style lethargy - still though superior to the worst days following the crash late last year. I battled through it and got up and got the day underway. I've not eaten close to enough calories yet either, and probably have to admit I won't in the end.

Progress has been made, on the whole, and the protocol is just about starting to equip me with the metaphorical big stick I need to beat this back. HIIT later on tonight, I'm going to hit that HARD and ANGRY despite having absolutely nothing in the tank today. Dreading work tomorrow too for some reason. I'm just trusting myself to the veterans' stories of ups and downs on cycle and keeping battling this. There was a real upswing during the middle of the week, and I read that usually week 3 is where the magic happens, so I will keep that in mind and persist. Nocturnals for some reason just aren't happening again, or if they are I'm sleeping through them. No real morning wood in a while.

I did ejaculate last week during a mutual sexting session with a girl who knows my situation. I'm not entirely sure that's beneficial in my position, but it definitely happened and I felt good for it at least.

Irritatingly enough I didn't get to a meditation session I had planned with a friend of mine. I'm certainly struggling with making the most of that too, but the breathing exercises get done and the meditation I plod through, which is most certainly the wrong attitude; I effectively just sit there with binaural music on for ten minutes trying to find a spot of light behind my eyes which isn't there, just a stuffy PFS feeling.

I would definitely like to run another 7-day fast and 7-day juice feast I think, as that brought on the quickest results early on in recovery which "stuck". I'm not quite sure where I'll fit that in - would it be sensible to do it straight after my Andro run,? Or wait a week or more on the herbs? Or keep the herbs up during it even? Or just wait 8 weeks or so following the Andro run, fast/feast, build up for a month and then Andro run #2? Any suggestions or ideas on that one do let me know.

Ignoring today and in general terms I'm improving and that's at least something. So for that lads, have some random good points:

- My Lost Empire delivery arrived a little while back, and I couldn't resist sampling a little black Maca. Goodness me that stuff is DELICIOUS!
- Also MAD delicious is chlorella with grapefruit juice.
- Cold showers DO get easier, very very slowly but they do. I have found shouting and swearing helps me.
- There is a certain satisfaction in knowing you're doing or working towards doing all you can be doing.

Take care out there everyone, keep battling, we'll all beat this in the end! Yesterday was good, and I'll have to focus on that. Seriously, fuck today.

[jacknap]

This probably makes more sense to update weekly-ish, seeing as I've noticed the changeable nature of our struggle means day-to-day things can vary from (dare I say it) great to awful.

So, week 3 of Andro cycle #1 concludes today. Yesterday was a good day. So much so that if I'd had my erections and libido back I could have said I'm cured. Seriously and honestly. I awoke from a restful ten hours asleep (yes really) and got a very acceptable workout in. A VERY successful pumping session followed, Hydromax and I are working through our difficulties and all seemed to be good - trimming right down helps it seal, and the toggle switch element to the seal at the top seems to be more compliant at this point.

Today however was the polar opposite. I awoke from a fitful sleep to a very insistent malaise and a borderline despair-style lethargy - still though superior to the worst days following the crash late last year. I battled through it and got up and got the day underway. I've not eaten close to enough calories yet either, and probably have to admit I won't in the end.

Progress has been made, on the whole, and the protocol is just about starting to equip me with the metaphorical big stick I need to beat this back. HIIT later on tonight, I'm going to hit that HARD and ANGRY despite having absolutely nothing in the tank today. Dreading work tomorrow too for some reason. I'm just trusting myself to the veterans' stories of ups and downs on cycle and keeping battling this. There was a real upswing during the middle of the week, and I read that usually week 3 is where the magic happens, so I will keep that in mind and persist. Nocturnals for some reason just aren't happening again, or if they are I'm sleeping through them. No real morning wood in a while.

I did ejaculate last week during a mutual sexting session with a girl who knows my situation. I'm not entirely sure that's beneficial in my position, but it definitely happened and I felt good for it at least.

Irritatingly enough I didn't get to a meditation session I had planned with a friend of mine. I'm certainly struggling with making the most of that too, but the breathing exercises get done and the meditation I plod through, which is most certainly the wrong attitude; I effectively just sit there with binaural music on for ten minutes trying to find a spot of light behind my eyes which isn't there, just a stuffy PFS feeling.

I would definitely like to run another 7-day fast and 7-day juice feast I think, as that brought on the quickest results early on in recovery which "stuck". I'm not quite sure where I'll fit that in - would it be sensible to do it straight after my Andro run,? Or wait a week or more on the herbs? Or keep the herbs up during it even? Or just wait 8 weeks or so following the Andro run, fast/feast, build up for a month and then Andro run #2? Any suggestions or ideas on that one do let me know.

Ignoring today and in general terms I'm improving and that's at least something. So for that lads, have some random good points:

- My Lost Empire delivery arrived a little while back, and I couldn't resist sampling a little black Maca. Goodness me that stuff is DELICIOUS!
- Also MAD delicious is chlorella with grapefruit juice.
- Cold showers DO get easier, very very slowly but they do. I have found shouting and swearing helps me.
- There is a certain satisfaction in knowing you're doing or working towards doing all you can be doing.

Take care out there everyone, keep battling, we'll all beat this in the end! Yesterday was good, and I'll have to focus on that. Seriously, fuck today.

nice bro! yes that's the best when you get your libido back and sleep back. even though it goes away in down swings you see that your body can still be normal so recovery becomes way more believable. I've had ALL my functions pretty much back to normal during my recovery and go away so now I'm very confident ito's around the corner. :D

[SS7]

nice bro! yes that's the best when you get your libido back and sleep back. even though it goes away in down swings you see that your body can still be normal so recovery becomes way more believable. I've had ALL my functions pretty much back to normal during my recovery and go away so now I'm very confident ito's around the corner. :D

I've been into your log also jacknap and you're a shining example of solid attitude and approach. Thanks for that, and yes I did get a properly convincing taste of a life past this. Not that I doubtedit really, it's just having that little flash improvement is something to focus on and be grateful for. Even though some days (like today in fact) PFS becomes the true sack of dog-shit it can also be.

All the very best wishes to you my friend.

[Cdsnuts]

nice bro! yes that's the best when you get your libido back and sleep back. even though it goes away in down swings you see that your body can still be normal so recovery becomes way more believable. I've had ALL my functions pretty much back to normal during my recovery and go away so now I'm very confident ito's around the corner. :D


Yeah...you're getting close.

[SS7]

HIIT got done. Came back for a nice cold shower, feel maybe a touch better for it. Early night, ready to face the day tomorrow.

Keep it going fellas.

EDIT - I've also been having a little research here and there, and I might try to cut out dairy and get keener on probiotic supplements. Also going to invest a touch in a comprehensive stool/parasite analysis. I figured it can't do any damage and might even help speed things along. Chi of course swears by his results, and I don't see it interfering with the protocol any.

Anybody got any opinions on doing so? I'll see how I get on as things progress.

[biatch]

Honestly dude, it looks like you're punching PFS in the dick. You're doing everything right.

I took 5aDHP during my initial crash. It worked amazingly well. I don't take it anymore though - don't need it.

Way it sounds you'll be fine again before you know it. I just wouldn't get obsessed with the forum. It's a wonderful resource, but sometimes it's nice to take days that aren't all about PFS.

Master Mal, at which point are you with your recovery?

[Master Mal]

Master Mal, at which point are you with your recovery?

I was doing great then crashed due to being exposed to some bad bathcare products while I was couch surfing back in September. I was pretty bad for a month, then have steadily recovered. Just started my 4th run of pro hormones and I'm sitting at 90% right now. Hooked up with a date last Saturday and came super quickly because it's been a five month dry spell, but I got perfectly hard two minutes after and had a great time. If I hold this state for a while I'd honestly consider myself recovered.

[Cdsnuts]

I was doing great then crashed due to being exposed to some bad bathcare products while I was couch surfing back in September. I was pretty bad for a month, then have steadily recovered. Just started my 4th run of pro hormones and I'm sitting at 90% right now. Hooked up with a date last Saturday and came super quickly because it's been a five month dry spell, but I got perfectly hard two minutes after and had a great time. If I hold this state for a while I'd honestly consider myself recovered.

We have another recovery on deck here for sure! You can see the finish line....you just got to get there. The horrors are behind you. Don't look back.

[biatch]

I was doing great then crashed due to being exposed to some bad bathcare products while I was couch surfing back in September. I was pretty bad for a month, then have steadily recovered. Just started my 4th run of pro hormones and I'm sitting at 90% right now. Hooked up with a date last Saturday and came super quickly because it's been a five month dry spell, but I got perfectly hard two minutes after and had a great time. If I hold this state for a while I'd honestly consider myself recovered.

Congrats!

- - - Updated - - -


We have another recovery on deck here for sure! You can see the finish line....you just got to get there. The horrors are behind you. Don't look back.

Cd, just a question: what was your age when you crashed? and what was your age when you recovered?

[RickTheRuler]

Congrats!

- - - Updated - - -



Cd, just a question: what was your age when you crashed? and what was your age when you recovered?

25 ; 34


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[biatch]

25 ; 34


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ok thanks.
i am asking cause i am wondering if recovery is still possible for me being 36.

[SS7]

ok thanks.
i am asking cause i am wondering if recovery is still possible for me being 36.

I damn well hope so because I'm 36 too! :D

I really see no reason why it wouldn't. Get test up (had no issues before my month on fin) eat/live clean as all hell... It's only been a few months since my crash, not like I've been rotting away from homeostasis for years, also there are recoveries on phelp from older guys than us.

At this point, it's just not an option to think about not recovering, I'll do all it takes for as long as it takes.

[RickTheRuler]

“possible” ? Of course it’s possible, but still I gotta say something about that word....I despise that language on this specific board... I loathe it. Recovery is not some game of chance, This is not wheel of fortune or something. I had to check Jacknap on this when he was talking like that during a downswing many months ago although he clearly was getting better throughout..
What separates Swole from PH or Solve PFS is that we know recovery will happen if we are diligent, we’re just here in the meantime to share experiences while we move along & address any concerns during the process.
I would hate to hang around here if that’s how people look at this thing. It’s why I don’t like the word hope during the process as well.. yeah,hope in the beginning once you find out what to do.. but once your in doing the stuff on TotalMaleOptomization, it’s just inevitable, cause it’s science. It’s not a mystical thing anymore, you just gotta work and wait.
Sure as hell doesn’t make this process smoother for me if you guys believe that you make these changes with diet, exercise, supplementation, sophisticated herb rotations, cold showers, meditation, & then DHT prohormones that take ALL of that and put turbo on it STILL needs to be left up to chance. I don’t want to come here and see that..
It also insinuates that the recovered guys also had luck on top of all the hardships and work they put in. I’d hate to put the effort to recover then get called “lucky”..There’s no luck factor in recovery at all. It’s all on you, it’s the work!
About your concerns of age though, If you go back to early 2018, you will find a 51 year old man on here named Damn basically recovered, took him about 2 years or so. He crashed 13 years older than you at 49.. old enough to be my dad..
When the changes are actually made & applied, all that’s left is simply time.
What makes you so different than say Master Mal whose in his early 30s? Or bizzbee who is around your age and recovered from dealing with PFS for almost 15 years?
Also READ Swills post on the old thread where pvdl was throwing accusations at CD. He talks in depth about his trip seeing that doctor who said many of his patients recover with diet, exercise, and stress relief..
Recoveries are more common than you think, we don’t see them on boards so much. The recoveries you see on these sites like Swole, PH, Solve PFS aren’t the ONLY ones in the world you know...
it’s all on you, regardless of how long or bad you have it.

Rant Done. You got this


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[biatch]

“possible” ? Of course it’s possible, but still I gotta say something about that word....I despise that language on this specific board... I loathe it. Recovery is not some game of chance, This is not wheel of fortune or something. I had to check Jacknap on this when he was talking like that during a downswing many months ago although he clearly was getting better throughout..
What separates Swole from PH or Solve PFS is that we know recovery will happen if we are diligent, we’re just here in the meantime to share experiences while we move along & address any concerns during the process.
I would hate to hang around here if that’s how people look at this thing. It’s why I don’t like the word hope during the process as well.. yeah,hope in the beginning once you find out what to do.. but once your in doing the stuff on TotalMaleOptomization, it’s just inevitable, cause it’s science. It’s not a mystical thing anymore, you just gotta work and wait.
Sure as hell doesn’t make this process smoother for me if you guys believe that you make these changes with diet, exercise, supplementation, sophisticated herb rotations, cold showers, meditation, & then DHT prohormones that take ALL of that and put turbo on it STILL needs to be left up to chance. I don’t want to come here and see that..
It also insinuates that the recovered guys also had luck on top of all the hardships and work they put in. I’d hate to put the effort to recover then get called “lucky”..There’s no luck factor in recovery at all. It’s all on you, it’s the work!
About your concerns of age though, If you go back to early 2018, you will find a 51 year old man on here named Damn basically recovered, took him about 2 years or so. He crashed 13 years older than you at 49.. old enough to be my dad..
When the changes are actually made & applied, all that’s left is simply time.
What makes you so different than say Master Mal whose in his early 30s? Or bizzbee who is around your age and recovered from dealing with PFS for almost 15 years?
Also READ Swills post on the old thread where pvdl was throwing accusations at CD. He talks in depth about his trip seeing that doctor who said many of his patients recover with diet, exercise, and stress relief..
Recoveries are more common than you think, we don’t see them on boards so much. The recoveries you see on these sites like Swole, PH, Solve PFS aren’t the ONLY ones in the world you know...
it’s all on you, regardless of how long or bad you have it.

Rant Done. You got this


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yes man, thank you for your words.
I do not find your log about the R Andro cycle, how do you feel now after that?

[Cdsnuts]

I damn well hope so because I'm 36 too! :D

I really see no reason why it wouldn't. Get test up (had no issues before my month on fin) eat/live clean as all hell... It's only been a few months since my crash, not like I've been rotting away from homeostasis for years, also there are recoveries on phelp from older guys than us.

At this point, it's just not an option to think about not recovering, I'll do all it takes for as long as it takes.

This is strictly science. The only thing that is left up to chance is the effort and determination of the individual undertaking this journey. Other then that, if you're following along how you're supposed to, you really can't not get better. Many people are either completely impatient, Can't follow specific instructions, or simply don't have the mental fortitude to soldier the fuck on.

[RickTheRuler]

Yes man, thank you for your words.
I do not find your log about the R Andro cycle, how do you feel now after that?

During it, sexually was better in terms of getting it up easier, but still numb. Strength bump too..

Side effects were depression, anxiety, lethargy, some insomnia.

I did not feel a big explosion of the positives, it came gradually & subtly.

After, I came down a little.. but I’m slightly better than I was prior to the cycle.

It’s not super noticeable though, you don’t even realize what’s going on. At least for me


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[jacknap]

During it, sexually was better in terms of getting it up easier, but still numb. Strength bump too..

Side effects were depression, anxiety, lethargy, some insomnia.

I did not feel a big explosion of the positives, it came gradually & subtly.

After, I came down a little.. but I’m slightly better than I was prior to the cycle.

It’s not super noticeable though, you don’t even realize what’s going on. At least for me


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for me it works best if I take it first thing in the morning in one heavy dose rather than double dose pulsing. if I take it too close to bed I get insomnia too. allopregnanalone works in a bell curve when it comes to sleep so needs to rise high mid day and then goes down a tad in evening according to tubzy's research

[RickTheRuler]

for me it works best if I take it first thing in the morning in one heavy dose rather than double dose pulsing. if I take it too close to bed I get insomnia too. allopregnanalone works in a bell curve when it comes to sleep so needs to rise high mid day and then goes down a tad in evening according to tubzy's research

I hit you on fb jack


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[SS7]

I am pondering making this first R-Andro cycle 4 weeks, and ending it Saturday, and going back on the herbs.

I'm not totally convinced I was ready for it. I was BARELY 2 months into the herbs, did a MINIMAL week-long fast late last year. Fully aware this was scraping the real bare minimum, the decision was mine and I've have had a huge, permanent downswing since Sunday... which ended last night/this morning when I AGAIN ejaculated practicing edging. This means I've ejaculated by pushing that too far three times in three weeks now. But following that and today I've felt better.

If this signifies the drop in androgens have improved me, does it stand to reason that I should persist with the cycle or not? There's NO question I can face it out for the final two weeks if I need to, but the scalp itch has gone away, suicide ideation and tingling headache was OVERWHELMING (but relax, I know it's a symptom not a destiny) and I had to sit in the gym changing room for 30 minutes and calm down last night. That's all miles better today.

Thoughts and opinions? CD have any wisdom? I can certainly carry on for a fortnight, but if this is indicative of me not being ready then I'll stop and take the hit and try again around March. My own impression of it is, from the limited research and understanding I have, is to persist and ride out the remaining weeks and make the most of the rebound from the period of increased DHT.

On the up-side, cold showers are getting easier, HIIT I do 4-5 sets of sprints AM plus a little circuit of pushups/crunches/squats gym PM and HIIT for 4-5 sets there too. Diet is now SUPER clean.

[SS7]

Rallied somewhat this weekend. Cycle will run the full 6 weeks.

Keep fighting fellas.

[SS7]

Okay, just had to post. There has been a SIGNIFICANT shift of gears mentally. Over the weekend had lots of sex, did take 3x tbsp pine pollen that first day too, but my goodness. A switch went off, DRAMATIC upswing. Sexually I'm not any better I don't think but the mental improvements were significant throughout the week. If on crash-day I was at 0% with 100% being pre-PFS I'd have hit 80% yesterday. Dropped just a little bit today, but that was PROFOUND.

I'm just about closing out week 5 of my first cycle now, on 400mg/day. Do I push to 600mg? Do I go to 10 weeks or stick to 8?

[carsot8]

Thats how it usually goes with the androgens. You gotta feel shitty for a while at first because your body is so depleted and not used to having so much DHT. Then all of a sudden you'll feel awesome as the body adapts. i Would stick with 400 mg for a first cycle, also its a bit late to bump up the dosage at this point in the cycle. On your next cycle you can go up to 600 mg as your tolerance will have increased by then.

[SS7]

Thats how it usually goes with the androgens. You gotta feel shitty for a while at first because your body is so depleted and not used to having so much DHT. Then all of a sudden you'll feel awesome as the body adapts. i Would stick with 400 mg for a first cycle, also its a bit late to bump up the dosage at this point in the cycle. On your next cycle you can go up to 600 mg as your tolerance will have increased by then.

Will do sir, will do.

I'll take my 8 weeks and get back to the rotation, then await the benefits of my DHT snapback.

[SS7]

SERIOUSLY pondering 600mg for the last couple of weeks... Someone talk me firmly out of or into that? I'm definitely tolerating the 400mg fine. Not that I don't appreciate the advice carsot8! Just itching to get progress done.

Also was wondering at something. Given the varying effects of the herb rotation (some block DHT a bit, some raise test better than others etc) is there a recommended order for the cycle? Or just line them randomly up as I used to and keep rolling through my arbitrary order?

Thanks guys. Sexually a bit of a downswing of late, but erections maybe a little bit better. Vague nocturnals returned again, no morning wood but it's "trying" in the am. Mentally there have been definite improvements but also ups and downs. Libido still on zero really.

Better than I was last year though! That's surely something.

Also, I'm guessing this IS the case, but is apathy normal on-cycle? I'm just very "meh" about everything. LOVING the 7-8 hours sleep though!

[carsot8]

All g. If you have the capsules and the money for another cycle you might as well bump up the dose then. I'm curious to see whether you improve from the higher dosage.


I think the apathy is probably from low estrogen and High DHT. Estrogen is what makes you emotional and care too much about things, which is bad anyway IMO.

[SS7]

All g. If you have the capsules and the money for another cycle you might as well bump up the dose then. I'm curious to see whether you improve from the higher dosage.


I think the apathy is probably from low estrogen and High DHT. Estrogen is what makes you emotional and care too much about things, which is bad anyway IMO.

Cheers friend! 600 it is, will creep up to 500 today, 600 at the weekend for the remaining weeks.

Fortune favours the brave.

[SS7]

Well that's that done with and back on the herbs. Ran 400mg weeks 1-4 and then 600mg until the end, I'm not sure if the increased dosage did a lot.

Some folks (I think maybe the majority) have said they dont feel much on the first cycle, and I must say I didn't - so that's alright I think. Next time with some more herb rotation magic working for me hopefully some improvements that'll stick. Have an idea I've slid back a little since the weekend, which (of course) means I did improve a little on cycle. I'll take all these things as encouragement to press on.

Honestly do feel a little bit 'low' about it, but I am pretty sure I'm shut down currently too. Tired and out of momentum, no spots on my back any more, shrunken balls. No real improvements I can put my finger on and celebrate, but I think mentally I'm a little better off than I was a few months back.

So, nothing to it but to keep doing it! Diet I'm doing very well with now, getting food in that I enjoy and is easy enough to cook. Definitely keen on steak and scrambled eggs! Cold showers are getting a little easier, but that UK winter makes them labour.

Fuck it, this'll be a long road but at least it's the road out of here.

[SS7]

...And with that, a MAJOR mental upswing following yesterday. I hope that's my 'snapback' and it sticks. Felt very much a 'connection' to the world again akin to pre-PFS. Sexually not really improved, sleep has slid back, energy very low, BUT (oddly enough most happy about this) puffy nipple and WILDY emotionally sad (tears and everything) yesterday PROBABLY means the 600mg hasn't tanked my estrogen, and this'll be estrogen rebound. It's a 'natural' sad feeling though, so I'm hoping it's that.

Puffiness can stay a while, if it gets worse I've got Exemestane, 6-Bromo, Aspirin, Inh-AR and even the forbidden Nolvadex in the cupboard of old, but just the feeling of *anything* like hormones feels incredible.

5th day back on the herbs too. One does forget, having been on R-Andro, just how powerful they really are.

So, looks like I got away without Estrogen issues (let's hope) and that my test will rise again after a few weeks, and I'll make more progress. Probably not much sense in updating to often, nothing to it but to do it.

Keep up the good fight guys! I made a little bit of progress out here.