Originally Posted by
wetaka
I must inform to you fellas that I have officially crashed. It feels terrible. My symptoms of anhedonia have really kicked in to a big extent, feeling like a zombie right now. I've been trying to explain to my parents what exactly has been going on in regards to this condition and today they have finally believed me, mainly because I explained to them what's this condition really about, plus I got in contact with a PFS sufferer who explained to my Dad on call this whole messy situation.
Thank god i arranged all this to happen. This wednesday we went to a "doctor" who apparently has treated PFS beforehand and the only things he prescribed was fluvoxamine, lamotrigine, L acetylcarnitine and some vitamin shots. He was a psychiatrist.
Even tho my parents support me in all of this, I have this fervient desire of ending my life right now. I feel so guilty on letting my vanity overshadow more important aspects of my life. Now I'm a living potato, who struggles to even speak.
I don't want to sound like the avarege propecia help user, but fuck man.....this is rough.
I've been wondering several times if there's a hell or a heaven. Technically speaking, I would be wrong in killing myself if you take into account the great luck that I was given, the great fact that I was born a Human being and not a tiny insect. A creature with a lot of potential. But at the same time, maybe I deserve to die. Maybe things were just not meant to be, or maybe they were, but due to my ignorance, i didn't follow the right things.
I have lost into a great extent the greatest gift human beings have: Language.
Aside of my family, which has been pathological in the past in many ways, I don't have many friends or contacts. Years and years of using omegle as a substitute for real human contact and warmth has left me, in many ways, friendless.
I just have one friend left. A friend who I've known since I was 5 years old. We have a lot of things in common, of course, but now that I'm just a shell of my old self, I don't know how to connect with him or even people anymore.
All that my focus goes to right now is PFS related. Even If i wanted to unwind a little bit, my anhedonia unables me to watch a movie fully or to just enjoy music.
All my interests and passions are gone. The rampant interest that I felt everytime i discovered something new or had an interesting conversation with a stranger is long gone.
Before my father talked to the guy which I said before, he had told me that If i had a crash he would send me to a psych ward. Yeah.
I'm not even sure if I'm worthy to recover, if i have the necessary personality traits to overcome this. I've seen a lot of recoveries on this site and all of them, aside of the protocols they followed, seem like admirable people: Marines, Businessmen, Men with families or even avarege joes with a job. I'm neither of those things. I'm just a guy from South america that graduated at 19 from Highschool via Nightschool. Someone who has never been intimate with someone before. Someone that doesn't have enough good memories on his mind to recall for this bad times that are happening.
The slight thought of me becoming corrupted by this Syndrome and being transformed into just a shell of my old self haunts me to no end.
Post finasteride syndrome in a way is really similar to Kafkas metamorphosis.