Originally Posted by
HOPE
My man, my story does not highlight any stark differences from your story. I had a mild tendency to become anxious, to see the worst in potential outcomes, a drive for perfectionism, but that was it, really. I had a bit of a rough year living abroad for university, after I left home, but nothing to me stood out that I was going to develop an anxiety disorder. One night, as the stress racked, a Caffiene-binged week, and sleepless nights towards the start of the pandemic, and some mild disturbances, was enough to trigger an episode of depersonalization. I had a panic attack the morning after, and was held in severe fight or flight for months. I have heard this story, time and time again - it will always start unexpectedly, when you least expect it. I couldn’t leave the house without an overwhelming feeling of fear rearing it’s head. I spent my days reading and reading, about how and why anxiety happens, when what I should have been doing was… letting go of whatever I was afraid of.
Eventually, fed up,I started to do all the right stuff, going out, eating better, and the sort, and started to see improvements. I went to the gym, enjoyed music, and everything was practically looking up, that is until I had a setback one day (of which I will highlight, that this pattern of thought of doing better, then falling back, then sabotaging your recovery plan is very much a symptom of anxiety itself), and went down the antidepressant route for 10 days… PSSD came right after. It has been an absolute hell, one makes me sit right now and hope I still had panic attacks, still worried about losing my mind. Certainly better, but that is beyond the case. You’re knowledgeable enough not to take anything that can mimic PFS, so that’s enough talk about PSSD.
What I’m trying to say is this: it took me 6 months of hard work to be able to get a real 20 minute break from my anxiety. Indeed, in the way you talk - “could this still be PFS?” is no different than my “Am I developing Schizophreina, Bipolar?”, or “Am I having a heart attack?”. I think you should honestly, go for the TRT micro dose given your history - Low Testosterone can certainly cause these issues, though I am not sure to the extent you are describing. Honestly, you sound like me 6 months ago. Supplemented with CBT and other techniques. I have a great number of sources and tips for overcoming anxiety.
I had all but resolved mine, from being straight up agoraphobic (yes, I wouldn’t leave the house. Doing the laundry was a task to be proud of) to living life again, but it was one set back that drove me to the antidepressant.
It seems to be that these thoughts of wondering whether this is lasting PFS, 8 years after it was gone dormant, or if it could be due for low Testosterone, are anxious thoughts themselves. I was inclined to believe something was deeply wrong with me as well, but the truth is - I was just panicking, and before you know if, you’re in a negative loop. You’re not worried about anything, but worrying about being worried. Then you’re worried about worrying about being worried. It’s a never ending cycle, until you calm down. These are my 2 cents.