Originally Posted by
Ratchet_V2
Hey all,
I've been doing really well. To be succinct, if my dick miraculously returned to it's old self, I would consider myself 98% recovered. I still don't have the libido I used to, but I think this is more a function of being down because of my dick than it is just PFS at this point. I've come a long ways and look forward to writing a recovery some day. No shame, this post is a hail mary and is going to be completely about my manhood. Go ahead and close out if you don't want to read all things penis for the next five minutes.
I'm here writing this tonight in hopes that anyone who has experienced something similar can help or point me in the right direction. My dick has slowly regressed since the beginning, imperceptibly at first, and it hasn't really shown any sort of improvement in a long time. It may still be getting worse. Please bare with me as I try to describe this, it's proving pretty difficult.
I'm only speaking in terms of it's size, rigidity, and other seriously weird shit involving my pelvic floor and nuts. I'm able to obtain erections when I want, maintain them, and have sex without issue. NTEs and MW are more common than not now. My issues are the following:
I have lost measurable size on my john, primarily girth. I'm going to have a doppler/ultrasound done to eliminate the possibility of fibrosis and plaque, but my money is that it's one of those two causing this. I've developed ridge like dents? but not really dents, more like uniform ribs on both sides of my shaft. I honestly don't think this is plaque, as it's very uniform and only noticeable when erect. I think there is a possibility that these have also always been there, but are noticeable now with tissue loss. My erections are very hard but smaller, like the kind you would have on your third wank sesh of the day prior to PFS. I also have the occasional hourglassing when flaccid, but its not nearly as present anymore. Unfortunately, I think this has more to do with my unit being smaller than it does with whatever causes the hourglass going away. It usually only appears when I've got a chub going.
My whole pelvic floor is completely out of whack in every which way. The way my dick sits and hangs is just different. I used to think pelvic floor was a crock of shit, but after watching the ways my dick can contort and change just by laying a different direction or taking a shit, I've come to realize what a delicate system it really is. I don't really know where to start, so I'll just fire off. I can't flex or make my dick "jump" when flaccid or semi-erect like I used to. I can get it to move inwards, but it's really just me flexing my butthole moreso than anything else. When I have an erection, it stands at attention, so I know this isn't a suspensory issue, and I am able to make it "jump" then. My gucc feels like there is a baseball in it sometimes, and other times it feels completely depleted to the point that my gucc skin literally hangs down and I can flick it. No shit I thought I was growing a vagina at one point. The base of my penis feels weak, eroded, and concave, and it's definitely twisted on its axis. It feels like my pelvic floor dropped out in some areas and tightened in others. Really hard to explain.
Earlier in my recovery, I was definitely hard flaccid most of the time. This quietly went away, and now my dick is longer than it used to be flaccid, but also much skinnier and light. It also hangs lower and more straight down than out, so I don't have a bulge in my shorts when I run. It also goes rubbery if I shake it out too many times or masturbate. I basically feel like I have an 80 year olds dick attached to my pelvis, with the balls to go with it. My balls, like my gucc, like to vacillate between hanging super low and stretched out like a turkey neck to tucked up and tight. Rarely is there any in-between.
The fat pad under my pubes has also gained a lot of fat, which is also weird considering I'm leaner than I've ever been and in better shape than I've ever been. At this rate, I'm going to be a skinny dude with a FUPA.
All in all, I'm going to first and foremost try and just live with this as my new normal. Ironically, I think that's when it will revert back to its old self. Like the way an ex comes back the moment you've actually moved on. I'm also going to incorporate pelvic floor stretching and exercises daily in a way that meshes well with my current routine, and I'm going to look into other pumps, because I can't seem to make the bathmate work, especially with the way my dick and balls hang. If I do end up back with the bathmate, I'll have to fucking downsize it now.
I'm going to make a similar post over on the PE and Peyronie's forums to try and find some answers there as well.
I really appreciate your guys input, and I know whatever you have to say is better than whatever any urologist has ever told me during a 10 minute appointment. I'm very grateful to have overcome the worse side of PFS (imo neurological by far), but going from a sizeable piece to an average, teetering now on below average, one sucks. It really dictates my mental space and has made sexual encounters way less enjoyable. I don't want to end up 30 with an 80 year olds dick and a cuckold fetish. Cheers.
P.S. If you've read my thread and you'd like to know what has and hasn't worked for me re: anything, please feel free to inquire/respond here. I don't think it's possible or relevant to compare cases, but I've experienced the full gamut of sides associated with this shit to varying degrees, and I wouldn't classify my case as mild by any means. It's been almost two years of hard work, trial and error, dedication, learning, and hope and I'd love to share it with all of you. I don't plan on hanging around this place for too long, but I've said that before too.