Originally Posted by
RickTheRuler
Honestly no, but I jumped into the cold shower & meditated for most of the day. Cried a few times though which is good I guess. Emotions are emotions.
Have not been consistent with breathing & meditating. Everything else has been dialed in.
I called out from work today & decided to leave lifting for tomorrow. My energy was so shot. I see the fear in my dads eyes & man it’s rough. It’s a cycle that makes me feel even worse.
Your right about the mental game. It’s easily the Hardest thing for me, the discipline of all this is easy. Lifting, herbs, supps, diet.. it’s no problem for me. I would put my head down for a couple of weeks, & I guess the weight of everything creeps up. The isolation, knowing all my friends are having fun etc. everything i do in my life basically reminds me of my PFS. in everything I do the symptoms come up, especially neurologically. the floaters & the clumsiness.. But I have been consistent since . Unfortunately I broke my nofap streak from March 25th. Frustrated for that moment of weakness. I live in NYC, so everything I want back is constantly in my face.
USUALLY hitting PR’s on lifts was all I looked forward to, if there’s anything I’m grateful for is that I’m physically strong as a bull.. I mean I’m approaching hitting 500x10 on my DL already..I’m becoming a beast pretty quick..today I just did not care for it honestly. It’s wild. I’m searching for something to be grateful for at the moment.
I keep getting caught up in the timeline of things as well. Don’t know why I’m
Thinking about 2020,2021. the way my brain is right now, I can’t fucking stand it. I just want to close my eyes & want it to be 2025. I know Mileage may vary. But holy hell what’s my mileage? I have no idea .I know people get significantly better in a year or so, but man at this moment I see this as a 5 year process for me. Hate that feeling of recovery not being possible to me....on top of it all, me getting into these thought patterns makes me think it’s hindering my progress. I just need to get into that not worrying mode.
^^ I get it, very irrational, borderline whiny, actually extremely whiny..... I know we are not about that, but I had to get my thoughts out somewhere. I’ve been faking it for a bit. My dad is literally the only thing pushing me.
Hopefully this means a new, higher baseline, cause this setback is big.
Hopefully my cycle in Sept gives me a jolt.
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